My Uncle James was a simple man. He worked hard through the week as a machinist and entertained the ladies on the weekends. Many of those weekends during my childhood, he always made sure to make time for his favorite girl, me. Even on gloomy days the sun managed to shine for me when ever we spent time together. My Uncle loved to take me to Alameda Beach (featured above). We had lots of fun together and I enjoyed every moment I spent with him growing up. By the time I was eight and moved to Sacramento, he’d visit nearly every weekend. Sometimes it was movie nights when my mom and younger brother would join in watching the newest release of the Star Wars saga. Uncle James would try to buy all my girl scout cookies thinking he was helping me out, but he and momma would bicker when she’d tell him I’m not going to learn anything if he doesn’t let me sell the cookies. I’d sit in the cornner giggling as I watched them and snacked on the cookies he purchased without her knowing. He loved taking me shopping and had a way of always making me feel like a princess. The best times were when he’d visit unexpected and greet me with not only a big hug as he lifted me up in the air, but he’d also present me with a bouquet of roses and a crisp new fifty dollar bill tucked in between the petals. Still the best part of these visits aound the time I turned 10 years old was when he’d hop out his BMW with his roller skates tied together hanging off his shoulders along with his boom box. Instantly I knew what was about to go down. Uncle James and I would spend the day roller skating through K street mall downtown with the music blaring and us doing tricks and dancing down the strip of the outside mall. Back then there was no cars or public transit access just open space for us to roam free.
By the time I turned 14, I was fed up with momma’s abuse and ran away, straight to my uncle. I’d hustled up on a greyhound ticket and as expected, he welcomed me with open arms. My uncle, still hard at work full time didn’t want to leave me alone so he appointed the neighbor who lived across the street from him and my grandfather who had become like a son to my uncle to keep an eye on me. This was the very first time I’d ever seen my uncle so serious and express any form of anger. He warned (who I have only ever referred to as my bodyguard) that he better not touch me or try anything with me. He was loyal to my uncle and never did. On my uncle’s death bed three years ago, his last words to me were him asking for the umpteenth hundred time if I ever had sex with said bodyguard. I promised him, that even as adults aside from a hug, the only time he ever touched me was to push me out the way of gun fire or shield me from any other danger. To this very day even after my uncle’s death, out of the love and respect we both have for him, sex was never an option only a lifelong friendship. During that period of time living with my uncle, there were times he’d throw me on the back of his motorcycle for a long drive, eventually teaching me how to drive it. Other evenings he prepared a nice dinner for us. Uncle James set the table with flowers and pulled my chair out for me and we’d talk, about most everything. He would warn me about how some men take advantage of girls. He made sure that I always new my worth and would always tell me how beautiful I am and to not let anyone tell me I can’t do something. He was firm in telling me that if a man wasn’t treating me like a queen, he didn’t deserve my time which was interesting because I had noticed, although he never seem to be with the same girl for long, he still treated them very well and was respectful to women in general. There were so many instances over the years when I desperately wanted to tell him about what my stepfather had been doing to me, but I was afraid for many reasons. Mostly due to fear of my mom’s threats that if I told him he was sure to kill my stepfather without hesitation. I also knew for sure that he would and I couldn’t bare my little brothers loosing their dad.
By the time I gave birth to my first child, I’d once again made my way back to my uncles and it was the bodyguard who drove me to the hospital while I was in labor. Unfortunately our bond was no longer the same. Perhaps he was disappointed with me becoming pregnant or because he was now struggling with a drug and alcohol addiction. Not long after having my daughter Uncle James moved to another state where we had other family residing and I learned he actually had a daughter of his own who was a few years younger than me. I began to wonder if that’s why he spoiled me, due to missing out with his own daughter. I never questioned my uncle’s love for me, it was always obvious. I could see it in his eyes when ever he looked at me or we talked. He was the one who always supported me in ever venture and cheered me on. It was his face I’d see in the stands when I was in the outfield catching fly balls, never my moms. I recently found his daughter and connected with her. God is good, because I found her name in an old obituary of another family member and through Facebook we were suddenly united. She had no photos of her dad, so thankfully I was able to share what I have with her. She enjoys the stories I tell about her dad, my favorite uncle. I love and miss him so much and now when I look in her eyes, they resemble so much it’s as if I’m looking into his again. With all those who have come in and out my life trying to tear me down, it is because of my time with my Uncle James that I know my worth. His love and support helped me to stand tall and walk with confidence in everything I do.
Great story. Your Uncle sounds like such a God sent. Blessings and have a great Sunday and a blessed week ahead. 🙏🏾
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I miss him dearly, thanks. Blessings to you as well.
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You are blessed to have been shown such unconditional love. His memories live on with you. ❤️
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I feel so blessed to have built a relationship with his daughter after all this time. God is good!!!!
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Amen. Indeed. Look at God!! 🙏🏾❤️
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I am grateful you had an Uncle like that. I know to well, how abuse feels. You are lucky. I wonder what my life would be like if I had a safe person like you did. Thank you for sharing.
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Yes he was the ONLY person I had, thank you. I need him now. Well wishes and blessings to you my dear.
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“Stand tall and walk with confidence” That’s advice and guidance that every child should be given.
I spent a lot of my life in fearful state and hiding away from the world.
I always thought everyone else had been given the book of living and I didn’t get my copy.
Every day I am stronger, more confident and a more capable human being since throwing away my fears.
Thanks for sharing your memories of Uncle James 🙂
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I understand, I too let fear dictate my life up until a few years ago, I thought I was alone in this world which is why I write and share now. I’m happy for you in overcoming your fear. You are a warrior princess!!!
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Warrior Prince 😆 Unless something has changed since I last checked 🙂
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OMG, my sincere apologies!! Although there really is no excuse, I do get quite confused between all my followers trying to keep up and respond. I sincerely hope you except my apology.
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Apology accepted 🙂
I’m not going to be offended by a comment.
I hope that you keep writing and sharing your experiences. I enjoy reading your posts 🙂
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Thanks, I appreciate your support as well as accepting my apology. Have a great week ahead!!
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Beautiful story. It only takes one person to show you how to live. It sounds like your uncle was that person.
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Yes he was, thank you so much y dear!
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Thank you for sharing that wonderful story. It is so wonderful that you had such a loving, attentive Uncle who took care of you and taught you self respect and self love. To have such a strong and loving male role model in your life was such a gift and you expressed that so clearly in your post. I’m sure you miss him a lot. It’s great you now know his daughter and can share your past experiences with her. Perhaps through him losing a daughter, or having her distant, he learned the importance of treating women with respect and thus treated his dates and you with that respect and adoration.
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Wow, thank you so much. My eyes are filling with tears because I never thought about the perspective of the way he treated women relating to his daughter. Thank you so much and for confirmation on the message being well expressed. I always want to respect and make my family proud, but can be hard when writing the truth, yet it comes straight from the heart. Blessings my friend!!
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Glad my comment was helpful. People often tell me I need to write a memoir or autobiography. I’m sure there will be something written at some point, about the work my work partner and I are doing. But I would feel uncomfortable writing about family and especially my extended family. I’ve been treated so poorly by some of them and saw how many lies they told about my family and how they especially judged my Mother. So I’m not going to expose all the details. It is delicate writing the truth about our experiences.
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It is most certainly which is why I’m struggling now to get through my book & my editor is on me daily asking if I’m writing.
I finally came to a point a few years back to tell my story by informing my brother’s what would be revealed of their dad. As long as I continue to be candid in my writing, I can’t concern myself with the others.
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Good for you !
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Oh, I hope that you and your partner complete your project in your own time.
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Your Uncle James sounded like a wonderful man who was a truer parent to you than your mother. Those movie night and rides memories are very vivid as is those wonderful photos by the beach. It’s no coincidence you connected with his own daughter after all those years and it’s a wonderful way to keep his memory and legacy alive.
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Yes exactly, thanks Ab. Even better, his daughter has been so open in talking about the not so great memories of him as well. It has allowed her to connect with other members of the family.
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That is amazing that he treated you so well, when so many earthly fathers do not do the same for their biological daughters.
This is one of the main things missing from a lot of girls and women: They don’t know their worth because they are not taught their worth. They learn through societal influence and music and movies and Hollywood that it makes a girl special when a man chooses to be with her.
They don’t understand their value independently of having a man. It is why a lot of girls develop into women who are obsessed with men, idolize men and will put up with any and everything from men, because they define themselves, value themselves, and find their worth in a man’s approval and attention.
They don’t love themselves and are looking for a man to love them instead of being receptive to a man’s love that is in addition to their own self-love.
It is very important for parents, especially fathers to build up their daughter’s self-esteem and to model for her how a man should treat a woman in the way he treats her mother well.
Obviously, mothers should teach their daughters to respect themselves and teach their daughters their worth as well.
In addition, mothers should love and protect their children; love their daughters. They also should not be bringing abusive men into their children’s lives.
I am so glad God was watching over you, regardless of the other circumstances.
I am glad your Uncle loved you so much.
Thank you for sharing.😊❤
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Wow Tammy, what a heartwarming story about your Uncle James. It’s funny that my father’s name was James and so many first cousins (on both sides) who called him that, including second and third cousins. 🤗💖🥰 The thing I am most shocked by, but shouldn’t be is that second picture of a fly-girl rocking a white bathing suit…excuse me…bikini on Alameda Beach. 👙🤭🏖 Lawd, have mercy on “Star Child!” 🤩🌟🌞 LOL
Perhaps your Uncle James did spoil you because, as you noted, he missed his biological daughter. But how awesome it is that you managed to find her and share a piece of your history and hers, with his daughter, your cousin. I know she was delighted that you contacted her. What a beautiful story Queen T. 💖🦋💝💐❤😍
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Dang my vision is blurry from tears of laughter. I knew you were going to say something about the bikini. Girlfriend I believe that was the only I’ve ever worn one & back then my mom’s oldest sister made all my clothes.
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LMBO 🤣😜😂 Tammy, you were a little hotdog back then and I don’t think your Uncle James helped at all! 🩱 You were already a diva in the making. Plus, you had your own designer? LOL Look girl, if you sewed, you designed because you had to throw in something extra, with them big ole fabulous legs!!! 🦵🏽👧🏽🦵🏽 A queen in the making! 👸🏽
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Girl, you just gave me an idea regarding my aunt. Can’t write about her because she’s still here, & she’s still making clothes. XOXO ❣️
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OK Coco Chanel…but perhaps you can put a spin on her persona that won’t offend! 🧵👗👠 Maybe a reflection from her designer’s point of view. 😉 But if walls could talk eh??? 🤔
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Oh dang, I totally missed the second paragraph. Yes, his daughter & I resemble one another. She’s a sweet soul.
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Well, I am so glad that you connected with her. That is certainly a Hallmark card moment! 🤗💖🥰
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What a truly beautiful story. Sounds like you were blessed with a very special uncle who loved you very much. I’m sorry about your stepfather, unfortunately I know how it can feel to be abused by family members. I’m so glad you had such a wonderful uncle who loved you, supported you and believed in you. God is truly great and he’s always there watching after us. There are just bad people in this world. Hugs and love Joni🤗❤️🙏
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Thank you & yes, He will always carry us through the storms. I’m so thankful for my relationship with Him- and my uncle, lol.
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He sounds like a blast. So grateful that God sent him to you. Have a wonderful week and so nice to meet you.🤗❤️
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You as well 🙏💟
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❤️🤗🦋
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So glad to know this about your uncle James. Everyone should have an uncle like him.
Girl, I see your reasoning behind why you didn’t tell Uncle about that nasty stepfather of yours. I’m so sad that happened to you. So sorry.
But you are a Phoenix, Sista. Happy how it all turned out.
Glad you connected with that cousin. Life is good.
Thanks for the lovely story. Stay strong and beautiful. xo 🤗 xo
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How sweet of you, thanks so much❣️
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Uncle James may not have even fully realized how important a purpose he had in this world.
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Now that you mention it, I don’t think he did. Thanks 💟
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It is never okay to hurt and abuse others, my heart goes out to you as child that had to endure so much hurt and pain. You had a loving and caring uncle, I’m so glad that you could share this with your cousin. Wishing you blessings in abundance.
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Thanks, many blessings to you as well❣️
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Marvelous story and such heartfelt memories for you of your dear Uncle. He filled your life with happiness and took away much of your pain. Blessings on him.
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Yes he did, thank you for reading 💕
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What a superbly written creative piece!! 👏🏾
Thank God for those special people He places in our lives as guardian angels. 🙏🏾
These are precious memories that not even time can ever erase.
Thank you for sharing your beautiful story. 👌🏾🌹
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Thank you as well for your support and encouraging words❣️
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He sounds like a wonderful man. How lucky you were to have him for your uncle!
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Thank you, I miss him dearly!
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A lovely tribute to your wonderful Uncle!
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Thank you❤️
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Beautiful story! You are lucky have such uncle! Thank you for sharing ☺🌹💓
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Thanks, I appreciate you my dear❣️
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My pleasure ☺🌹💓
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Your uncle was a lovely man. A blessing to you.
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Indeed he was, thank you❣️
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A lovely tribute to your uncle James. He was, apparently, a Godsend.
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Aww, thanks so much & yes, indeed he was❣️🙏
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