Hello everyone, I've missed you. Some of your posts along with my "Daily Bread" devotional are a huge part of what helps me get through my days so I'm excited to be back. For those of you who don't know, last Tuesday I had a "clonic" seizure, more commonly known as "grand mal" which caught me by surprise because it has been well over a year since I'd had one and I was hopeful that they had become a part of my past. Since I began having them in 2012 (cause still unknown), I've always bounced right back after having one which then occurred about 2-3 times a month. Normally a quick nap and I'm back to business as usually as if nothing happened. Unfortunately, that wasn't the case with this last one. I laid on my kitchen floor 15-20 minutes before gaining my balance along with enough strength to get myself up. Aside from the nerve damage on my left side, likely due to all the seizures over the years and on several occasions in some very tight spots, I was also unable to shake the dizziness this time. Sitting absolutely still, not looking at any constant movement like the T.V. or computer screen seemed to be the only thing that helps. Usually, I can pinpoint exactly what triggered me and can sense when a seizure is coming and prevent it. What I wasn't aware of until about a month ago is that I've also been having "focal" seizures more often, which I'll most likely further with details in a future post. When the focal seizures were brought to my attention by my children and a few others over the phone when we'd suddenly get disconnected, and I had no recollection until the individual called back to ask, "what happened". I would remember being on the phone with them, but not saying goodbye or ending the call so there is a about a minute or two where my body is not having spasms, but I'm losing consciousness. These focal seizures have only been occurring within the last 2 years and they were either far and few or I simply wasn't always aware when they occurred. Now for some reason (and I believe I know what that is), the focal seizures are more frequent. I've begun to grow concerned once again. It's not something I necessary get stressed about. It's more so a matter of wanting to understand, find a pattern in hopes of being able to control if not prevent it all together. This also brings me to the reason why I share my experience. "Lived Experience", although the doctors are the professionals, if you're lucky to get one that listens, they still can't fully relate unless they have personal lived experience or that of a family member. It is certainly NOT for pity nor sympathy, especially knowing others are suffering greater hardships. I share because doctors have not given me any explanations and aside from the help of my children (grandson is mine as well, lol), I've gone through this alone. I can't help but wonder who else out there may be struggling with a similar issue as well as thinking they too are alone. I want you to know that you're NOT! Not having anyone to turn to, seek advice or fully understand has forced me to suck it up, deal with it the best way I know how and continue to move forward never giving up hope. Every day is a struggle even when it comes to simple tasks. It's not only about my memory loss, but now processing new information and concepts differently than before. I've had to adapt to a new style of learning and looking back, I refuse to believe that after all I've survived, that epilepsy is what's going to take me out. I also feel strongly there is a reason God steered me on this path. We've all heard the saying "what doesn't kill us makes us stronger" and that's exactly how I feel. Whenever I have those brief moments of doubt, He always comes through by speaking to me, telling me to keep going and showing me the way. During one of those moments recently after learning about the focal seizures, in an attempt to start my day with the right mindset and a positive attitude, I'd like to share how He spoke to me and was right on time as always. Leaning Into God (Our daily Bread Feb. 20th, 2022)
Harriet Tubman couldn’t read or write. As an adolescent, she suffered a head injury at the hands of a cruel slave master. That injury caused her to have seizures and lapses of consciousness for the rest of her life. But once she escaped slavery, God used her to rescue as many as three hundred others.
Nicknamed “Moses” by those she freed, Harriet bravely made nineteen trips back to the pre-Civil War South to rescue others. She continued even when there was a price on her head and her life was in constant danger.
A devoted believer in Jesus, she carried a hymnal and a Bible on every trip and had others read her verses, which she committed to memory and quoted often. “I prayed all the time,” she said, “about my work, everywhere; I was always talking to the Lord.” She also gave God credit for the smallest successes.
Her life was a powerful expression of the apostle Paul’s instruction to the earliest Christians: “Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus” (1 Thessalonians 5:16–18).
When we lean into God in the moment and live dependently in prayer, praising Him despite our difficulties, He gives us the strength to accomplish even the most challenging tasks. Our Savior is greater than anything we face, and He will lead us as we look to Him.
REFLECT: How does spending time in God’s presence make you stronger? In what ways will you “lean into Him” today?
PRAY: Loving and Almighty God, please help me to live every moment with You today and to receive the strength You alone can give.