Lived Experience (Part 1)

      Hello everyone, I've missed you. Some of your posts along with my "Daily Bread" devotional are a huge part of what helps me get through my days so I'm excited to be back. For those of you who don't know, last Tuesday I had a "clonic" seizure, more commonly known as "grand mal" which caught me by surprise because it has been well over a year since I'd had one and I was hopeful that they had become a part of my past. Since I began having them in 2012 (cause still unknown), I've always bounced right back after having one which then occurred about 2-3 times a month. Normally a quick nap and I'm back to business as usually as if nothing happened. Unfortunately, that wasn't the case with this last one. I laid on my kitchen floor 15-20 minutes before gaining my balance along with enough strength to get myself up. Aside from the nerve damage on my left side, likely due to all the seizures over the years and on several occasions in some very tight spots, I was also unable to shake the dizziness this time. Sitting absolutely still, not looking at any constant movement like the T.V. or computer screen seemed to be the only thing that helps. 
       Usually, I can pinpoint exactly what triggered me and can sense when a seizure is coming and prevent it. What I wasn't aware of until about a month ago is that I've also been having "focal" seizures more often, which I'll most likely further with details in a future post. When the focal seizures were brought to my attention by my children and a few others over the phone when we'd suddenly get disconnected, and I had no recollection until the individual called back to ask, "what happened". I would remember being on the phone with them, but not saying goodbye or ending the call so there is a about a minute or two where my body is not having spasms, but I'm losing consciousness. These focal seizures have only been occurring within the last 2 years and they were either far and few or I simply wasn't always aware when they occurred. Now for some reason (and I believe I know what that is), the focal seizures are more frequent. I've begun to grow concerned once again.
       It's not something I necessary get stressed about. It's more so a matter of wanting to understand, find a pattern in hopes of being able to control if not prevent it all together. This also brings me to the reason why I share my experience. "Lived Experience", although the doctors are the professionals, if you're lucky to get one that listens, they still can't fully relate unless they have personal lived experience or that of a family member. It is certainly NOT for pity nor sympathy, especially knowing others are suffering greater hardships. I share because doctors have not given me any explanations and aside from the help of my children (grandson is mine as well, lol), I've gone through this alone. I can't help but wonder who else out there may be struggling with a similar issue as well as thinking they too are alone. I want you to know that you're NOT! Not having anyone to turn to, seek advice or fully understand has forced me to suck it up, deal with it the best way I know how and continue to move forward never giving up hope. Every day is a struggle even when it comes to simple tasks. It's not only about my memory loss, but now processing new information and concepts differently than before. I've had to adapt to a new style of learning and looking back, I refuse to believe that after all I've survived, that epilepsy is what's going to take me out. I also feel strongly there is a reason God steered me on this path. We've all heard the saying "what doesn't kill us makes us stronger" and that's exactly how I feel. Whenever I have those brief moments of doubt, He always comes through by speaking to me, telling me to keep going and showing me the way. During one of those moments recently after learning about the focal seizures, in an attempt to start my day with the right mindset and a positive attitude, I'd like to share how He spoke to me and was right on time as always.

                             Leaning Into God
                    (Our daily Bread Feb. 20th, 2022)   

Harriet Tubman couldn’t read or write. As an adolescent, she suffered a head injury at the hands of a cruel slave master. That injury caused her to have seizures and lapses of consciousness for the rest of her life. But once she escaped slavery, God used her to rescue as many as three hundred others.

Nicknamed “Moses” by those she freed, Harriet bravely made nineteen trips back to the pre-Civil War South to rescue others. She continued even when there was a price on her head and her life was in constant danger.

A devoted believer in Jesus, she carried a hymnal and a Bible on every trip and had others read her verses, which she committed to memory and quoted often. “I prayed all the time,” she said, “about my work, everywhere; I was always talking to the Lord.” She also gave God credit for the smallest successes.

Her life was a powerful expression of the apostle Paul’s instruction to the earliest Christians: “Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus” (1 Thessalonians 5:16–18).

When we lean into God in the moment and live dependently in prayer, praising Him despite our difficulties, He gives us the strength to accomplish even the most challenging tasks. Our Savior is greater than anything we face, and He will lead us as we look to Him.

REFLECT: How does spending time in God’s presence make you stronger? In what ways will you “lean into Him” today?

PRAYLoving and Almighty God, please help me to live every moment with You today and to receive the strength You alone can give.

Published by 5thgenerationgirl

Tammy Wynette is a mother of three and a “G-MA” (grandma). Born in Warren, Arkansas, she currently resides in Sacramento, CA and is pursuing an AA degree in English at American River College, with plans to transfer to California State University, Sacramento (Sac State). She is an active leader and role model in her community, she works with teens sharing and teaching poetry, as well as providing insight for young parents to prosper. She has certificate from NAMI (The National Alliance on Mental Illness) and is a trailblazer & Griot, keeper of stories/traditions passed down from her ancestors. As an Author and motivational speaker it’d be an honor to present at your events to inspire, encourage & let our VOICES be heard! She has short stories and poems published in Our Black Mothers Brave, Bold and Beautiful!

78 thoughts on “Lived Experience (Part 1)

  1. My dearest one, we’ll get through it. I’ve been there with both types, myself. I haven’t had one since 2020. I’m due! I can no longer walk independently. My brain spins on its own. I am honestly frightened. I feel my last days breathing down my neck. I now wake in the morning saying, “Please. Not today.” Blogging helps me, really. I love you. Hang tight.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. I’m glad to see you back, and glad you seem to be okay. That is scary to someone who has never experienced such a thing. I’m praying it doesn’t happen again, and that doctors can help you. And, of course, that Jesus would heal, more importantly.

    Liked by 3 people

  3. Very glad to see you blogging again, Tammy, but very sorry to hear about your seizure. That must’ve been very scary for both you and your family.

    You mentioned you’ve seen a doctor. Have you/Are you able to see a specialist like a neurologist who specializes in matters related to the brain? It sounds both scary and frustrating that the doctor has not been able to pinpoint the exact issue.

    The story you shared about Harriet Tubman is a good one and I can see the parallels and why it resonates with you. To me, it’s all about keeping the faith and understanding the larger purpose of our life and our struggles. 🙏👍

    Take good care and stay well!

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thanks my friend, I’m on my 3rd neurologist since I began having them in 2012, but most offices are only doing tele-visits over the phone since covid.
      There are other disparities as well, however my children & I decided awhile back that we would research & figure this out ourselves. I figured I was doing something right since it had been over a year since having one. The good news is that I can now basically pinpoint was triggers them. Also it’s scary for the children because they’ve never really seen me sick or down for the count as we say, lol. I’m always hopeful though, thanks 😊

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I’m glad to hear you’re getting looked at, even if it’s virtually. Also glad to hear that you can identify the triggers and that you have your kids to help you out if needed. I can only imagine how scary these moments can be! Take good care. 😊

        Liked by 1 person

      2. The scary part is that the children are my only solid support system. I don’t want to burden them & do my best to convince them not to worry.
        My daughter’s faith has always been strong. Her son does lots of reading & research which helps him. It’s my son that takes it the hardest.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. As someone who is experiencing an aging parent as an adult child, I can assure you it’s never a burden. Kids want their best for their parents obviously and I bet your kids do too. Good to hear about your daughter and grandson – and hopefully your son can find faith and comfort through this too!

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Thanks for that Ab regarding an aging parent. I needed to hear that & never thought about it that way. My mom will be 70 this year & I love her….well it’s just different for her & I. Many blessings for ALL of you.

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  4. Oh no, I’m sorry to hear this. 😞 I know you well enough to realize how much you depend on God and do not idolize self pity. You want to help others, showing how selfless you are. You’re wonderful. I will say a prayer for you.

    Liked by 3 people

  5. I’m so sorry you suffer from these experiences. I’ve read about people being helped by natural medical marijuana, not the pharmaceutical stuff. I’ve read about children being “cured” of epilepsy by using it. I can imagine how scary and unnerving it is. May you soon be led to a solution.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Everyone except doctors have asked if I’ve considered Marijuana, even for the nerve damage caused by the seizures. I’ve never used it so I’ve always been hesitant. I actually interviewed someone this week who 3 yr old grandchild uses drops and so far it seems to have brought her seizures to a halt. I simply don’t like the feeling of being under the influence of anything, never even cared much for pain meds, but I’m going to have to try something. Thanks dear, much appreciated.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I used it for the pain from a shoulder injury after meeting so many people who have used it for physical issues, mental issues, sleep, depression, etc. My long time pulmonologist offered to prescribe a pharmaceutical form for me but that just felt yucky. I preferred a natural form. It takes experimenting to find the right product.

        Medical marijuana is often confused with smoking it to get high. It has become such a science that it comes in a variety of forms and types now. Many of them have no THC in them, which is the part of the plant that produces that Euphoria or high. So much of the products don’t get you high or “feeling under the influence” that you describe. None of the products I tried had that effect on me and I’m one that used to smoke it to get high. I no longer enjoy fuzziness of any kind and don’t drink anymore either.

        The people who work at the dispensaries are skilled in the various options and help you pick out the best form for your use. It might take some experimenting to find the right one for you.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I actually have an ex from years ago who is an engineer & developed his own products . I kept them for about 9 months before getting the courage to use it, lol. It doesn’t have THC and it comes in a tiny roll on oil. I can’t believe how well it works for my neck & back. He shipped my mom some too & she loves it. I will definitely be looking into it, that and a service animal.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Good luck finding the right product. And knowing him it might save you some money. Since he developed his own products he can surely help you find the form that will work.

        Liked by 1 person

      4. You also might find benefits in something as simple as Brain Gym exercises. They are sometimes taught in schools by teachers in the know as it helps balance the various parts of the brain. I’ve included some of the exercises in the corporate workshops I used to teach and taught teachers some in one of the training days schools have for their teachers.

        Cross crawl is a simple one of touching the opposite hand to the opposite knee, or marching in place touching the opposite hand to the knee coming up. You can do it sitting as well or just get on the ground and crawl 🙂 Drawing figure eights on paper or in the air…first one hand for awhile, then the other, then holding hands together. These are just a few. It helps reset the brain and integrate the brain.

        Liked by 1 person

      5. Yes I am somewhat familiar which is one of the examples of how I took matters into my own hands. Many of the concepts like these exercises I found out about on my own through research. My doctors have been very limited on offering any resources or valuable information. You have been more helpful even just by listening, lol. I sincerely appreciate you advice. I’m hoping others see what you have offered and it helps someone else as well.

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      6. True. I was so ill as a child, with severe asthma, on medications I was allergic to, in and out of ER’s and hospitals, and doctors told my parents I’d be dead by 30. So in my mid-20’s, I started looking into homeopathy, herbs, spiritual techniques, and other alternative healing modalities, then went on to get trained in 16 of them. I turned 70 in August, outliving my entire family.

        Liked by 1 person

  6. Queen Tammy, I join in with everyone else that we’ve been praying for you and are very relieved that you bravely made it through this situation courageously. Remain steadfast as you are, slowly transition into your new position, and may God bless you abundantly my friend. 🙏🏼💖🥰 Hugs and smooches! Ciao! 👸🏽😘🌈

    Liked by 2 people

      1. QT, you are soooo funny, but it warms my heart that you have not let this episode keep you down. 💖😍💝 I adore your strength girlfriend! As I told you before, God is probably redirecting your path towards something more powerful than you can imagine. So strap on your seatbelt and get ready! 🚗🚌🚕 Hugs and smooches!!! 🤗😘💋

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I was just sharing what you told me with my daughter last night because I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it. I trust Him and am ready for which ever direction He steers me girlfriend, thanks.

        Liked by 1 person

  7. Sounds a bit similar to symptoms my mother had. In her case, she finally found out she was having mini-strokes caused by what is often call brittle-bone in her neck. The symptoms are like epilepsy but not classic epilepsy. I’d still say you need to look for a neurologist that will listen more carefully and with open mind to get a better idea of cause and prognosis. Prayers for you. University of Cincinnati has some cooperation between neurology and epilepsy researchers.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Can so relate. I am epileptic also. I havent had a seizure now in a very long time. They are controlled by meds. I hope you’ll find answers. Praying for you and sending loads of love and so many positive vibes!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks so much for sharing. Can I ask, did they start later in life for you as well & were they due to a head injury? I understand if you don’t share. I still appreciate you reaching out & happy your meds worked.

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  9. Hope you continue to do well, that health problems will resolve themselves. May you have intelligent, compassionate doctors who will help you through these episodes until they are no more. Glad to have your voice again.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Tammy, I’m so glad you are back! I had a feeling that something was wrong, but as usual, you are using your experiences to help others. We don’t always understand God’s will, but He is definitely with you! I pray that you will continue to heal. And, I pray that your grandma is doing well also.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Lol, I am the grandma. It was my grandson who posted for me to let everyone know I’d be gone. He is an admin on my WP & sprained his ankle so we kept each other company during the healing. Thanks so much dear, I appreciate you🥰

      Liked by 1 person

  11. Oh my goodness, Tammy. I am glad you are feeling well enough to resume writing and inspiring. We never know what others are going through… unless they feel called to share. You are a strong and courageous woman and your willingness to share most certainly will strengthen and educate others. Best to you and your continued health.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I didn’t realized it actually been a year since I started the blog. I haven’t decided if I’ll take a break or not, still not feeling 💯% so I’m going to take it slow. Thanks, who knows who else out there may be dealing w/ a similar situation. I want them to know they’re not alone.

      Liked by 1 person

  12. Oh, Tammy. Life is quite a ride, isn’t is? We never know from one minute to the next what bumps in the road we’ll come across. We all have something to bear and this is yours. But what a beautiful and trusting spirit you have, one of optimism and acceptance that God will be with you on the road. If anyone knows what you’re going through, it’s Him and he will always be with you – either holding your hand, walking behind you or carrying you. I admire your fortitude and will remember you in my prayers tonight. You got this; you got God 🙏🏼

    Liked by 1 person

  13. I was actually worried when your grandchild wrote on your site about you not being well, and at that moment I just whispered a prayer to God to help you through the situation. I’m glad you’re up and about. Focal seizure is common too these days. It happens to lots of people in my place. But the Lord is with us in all circumstances. Surely, you will leave to tell the goodness of the Lord. Praises be to Him for keeping you safe. 🙏

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks a bunch, I truly appreciate the prayers. My g-son actually sprained his ankle the day before running from a dog, so he came over so we could keep each other company and catch up. lol.

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