Ecclesiastes 5:2

Do not be rash with your mouth…

My spirits have been somewhat broken this week. Something I’ve noticed about myself in the last year are so that for some reason I’ve allowed certain things to get to me in such away they didn’t before, even though what I continue to witness is nothing new. I’ve had my share of talks with young mothers over the years regarding what not they say to their children, but also how they say things. These have been women who were neighbors, or at least we knew each other to some extent one way or another. Earlier this week I witnessed a woman spewing the most horrible vile comments to her child who couldn’t have been no more than 4 or 5 years old. Aside from repeatedly telling him how stupid he is, she went on with expressing to him that she wished he was never born. I desperately wanted to intervene, however my instincts told me that was not a good idea. Perhaps that’s one reason why it’s bothering me so much and I can’t stop thinking about it because I did nothing about it. I told myself that it was none of my business when actually I feel it is my business. If that child continues to endure that type of abuse what will his role be in society late in life? Will I cross paths with him again if by chance he grows to be an angry adult? It reminded me of a passage from long ago that I keep written in my bible on an index card. I’m not certain where I first came across it, but I have shared it with others from time to time when I saw fit.

” Whenever we speak out of fear, anger, ignorance or pride-even if what we say is true-Those who listen will hear more than our words, they’ll hear emotion. They don’t know whether emotion comes from love and concern or disdain and disrespect, risking misunderstanding”.

This passage doesn’t necessarily apply to this particular situation, but when it comes to what you say to a child, those words stay with them and it’s no different than physically beating them down. The scars are still there. Regardless of who I’m communicating with, friends, my children, co-workers, I do my best to stay mindful of this passage. I don’t know what that mother this week may be dealing with or if that is a normal behavior for her, it isn’t my place to judge so instead I simply said a prayer for her and her son.

Published by 5thgenerationgirl

Tammy Wynette is a mother of three and a โ€œG-MAโ€ (grandma). Born in Warren, Arkansas, she currently resides in Sacramento, CA and is pursuing an AA degree in English at American River College, with plans to transfer to California State University, Sacramento (Sac State). She is an active leader and role model in her community, she works with teens sharing and teaching poetry, as well as providing insight for young parents to prosper. She has certificate from NAMI (The National Alliance on Mental Illness) and is a trailblazer & Griot, keeper of stories/traditions passed down from her ancestors. As an Author and motivational speaker itโ€™d be an honor to present at your events to inspire, encourage & let our VOICES be heard! She has short stories and poems published in Our Black Mothers Brave, Bold and Beautiful!

47 thoughts on “Ecclesiastes 5:2

  1. I will send up a prayer for her as well. Mothers are the first role models to their children. What a sad thing you witnessed. Makes me restless if ever I witness.
    Sometimes when we interfere it makes it worst for the child.
    Bless that child.
    Thanks for sharing. xoxo
    A hug for you. I bless you. xoxo

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Seeing how we do live within a hyper-infuriated, heavily armed society, it was probably wise for you to not intervene. That probably would of only made that mother double down in her anger; perhaps cause her to act out even more abusively towards both her son and you. How about calling Child Protective Services and letting the trained professionals handle this matter?

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      1. Granted, I was not there. Ergo, this is your call to make.. or not. But. it’s my belief that the only diff between physical and emotional battering is the visibility of the wounds. I could not have described the cycle of abuse better than you did. “If that child continues to endure that type of abuse what will his role be in society late in life? Will I cross paths with him again if by chance he grows to be an angry adult?” My apology to you, in advance, if I’ve said too much; your not posting / liking my comment will serve as my cue to mind my own business.

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      2. Ooh, not at all. This is about communicating. Honestly, I’m a bit distracted this morning by a mass shooting that occurred at 2 am just two blocks from my home. As always you’re appreciated.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. It is hard to receive verbal abuse and to witness it. I understand your dilemma about whether to intervene or not. I send energy to the situation, love and light and then it can weave its way in the direction needed. Perhaps you could just interact with that child later in a loving way, as that lets the child know they are lovable without directly confronting the Mom. And what the Mom is presently going through is unknown. My Mom was quite judgemental and critical of me for much of my life but I see now that it was because of her growing up with a physically and verbally abusive Dad and my Dad being so critical and verbally abusive to her.

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    1. I may or may not come across that child again. This was random as I was out running errands. Also why I can’t judge the mom without knowing the entire story, not that it makes it right, but too many unknown variables for me to make assumptions.

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      1. My mom, but it’s not that it’s hard to explain. For example, this Will Smith thing… Obviously he should not have hit C. Rock, but the media
        & others seem to be going the extra mile to make him out to be despicable when we’ve all made mistakes. I can no longer watch certain movies I previously enjoyed or see people victimized in any form. I think because I’ve always focused on work and kids not paying much attention the what was going on in the word if it didn’t relate to me directly, now my eyes are opening to what has really always been there. Honestly, I’m not sure what’s going on, but I have an appointment soon to see someone, lol.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. That makes sense. Fir me, the entire Will Smith and Chris Rock thing highlights the domestic violence and bullying situations all over the world. Everyone’s eyes have been opened to that.

        Will grew up in a domestic violence home. Chris grew up bullied. Then you have the black on black violence. So it touched many present day issues.

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      3. I’ll admit it’s hard to be bias in that particular situation because I’m not a Chris Rock fan, but can still be fair and open minded. I’ve met Rock in person before and know that he acted a complete fool and didn’t want to do the show because someone did/said something about him as he did Jada and although he didn’t hit anyone, I saw that he is not the amazing guy people are making him out to be. Now of course that was close to 30 years ago & he could’ve grown, lol.

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      4. Interesting. I am a Chris Rock fan and read that he has been in therapy for years, is committed to growth. He didn’t know about Jada’s medical condition. All jokes in that show and in general target someone…that’s how jokes are these days. Will laughed at the joke before getting up to “defend” his wife. Personally, I’d prefer someone stand up for me without using violence. I admire how Chris handled the situation. I’m glad I’m not in the public scrutiny like these celebraties are these days. I’ve spent most of my adult life in therapy and working on myself and made huge changes.

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      5. Yeah, I didn’t watch the show, but I too noticed that Will giggled initially. Again, that’s why I don’t understand what’s going on. I’ve been very disappointed with people in general and not necessarily their fault. Elders I’ve put on a pedestal and expected more from when actually they very well may not have the strength I thought they did. The great news is that I can only work on me and keep a positive attitude. I appreciate conversating with you. That could also be it, not having anyone to talk things out with & exchange ideas and point of views. Happy Sunday my dear.

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      6. Yes. It was a unfortunate situation all around..for Chris, Will, Jada, the hosts, and all those there to receive acknowledgement for their talent. The incident put a pall on all that followed. I watched the show. “Summer of Soul” won the award Chris was announcing and it was a wonderful documentary.

        Enjoy your day!

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  4. What a sad situation you faced Tammy. ๐Ÿ™ You have to pick your battles and to hear someone being verbally abused in public, it is our innate inclination to step in. While you didn’t say anything then, which was probably the best thing to do at this moment, you did the next best thing…you prayed for the abuser and the abused. Bless you for that! ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿผ Now, if she was physically abusing this child, then that would have been an open invitation to either step in or find an authority figure who would. WOW, how touching. ๐Ÿค—๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿฅฐ

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      1. I can certainly believe that Tammy. Doing good deeds is in your DNA and spiritual makeup. I would have been right there with you! So proud of you girlfriend. ๐Ÿฅฐ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿผ๐ŸŒบ๐Ÿค—๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿผโœจ๐ŸŒž๐Ÿ‘‘๐Ÿคฉ

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      2. I won’t complain sistah, still hanging in here. I’m sure it’s been quite challenging for you, especially over the past month, but take care of yourself and don’t overdo it girlfriend. ๐Ÿค—๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿฅฐ Hugs and smooches! ๐Ÿ’‹

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  5. I will say a prayer for them as well, you’re right verbal abuse is that much worst as physical abuse wounds in one hand may heal but words gets stuck in the head and that can pretty much damage a child’s future. Glad to see you voicing it out. โค๏ธ

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  6. Oh yes, this should be read by everyone, both parents and nonparents. Children deserve to be told positive words, that they are unique and can do better and should strive for greater success. This helps a child build self-esteem and courage to face life challenges. Oh, how I wish people knew about these. ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ‘โค

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  7. This is so true! We have to be so careful with what we see to children – I would never have said such things to my children, to hurt their feelings in such a way would have broken my own heart.

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  8. That sounds like a truly awesome scenario you encounter. For the sake of the child, I hope it was an off week for the mother and that she found a way to apologize and reassure her child that he is loved.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. It is so sad to see a parent behave this way towards their child. I would feel the same, that I shouldnโ€™t interfere because it could make things a lot worse and then guilty because I didnโ€™t. I donโ€™t know the correct response to this situation. And who knows what else is going on in the parentโ€™s life. We all have gotten mad at our kids at some point, but I would like to think that a loving, caring parent would choose better words.

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  10. Oh, my dear. I have seen what you describe and have been in a similar situation. I spoke up against the mother’s actions and she turned on me like a she-wolf. It’s like she wanted to get into it with someone, anyone. I felt like my life was seriously in jeopardy. This is not how things should be, yet they are. That poor child I saw being verbally abused โ€“ I’m afraid his fate is sealed unless someone stronger and more powerful than me intercedes. We do the best we can and if necessary notify someone who maybe able to help. It’s a sad, sad situation and I feel your pain. Bless you and your big heart.

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  11. I really hate it when parents talk to their children that way. Even if they were abused themselves, they should have learned enough not to pass that along to their kids. Sadly, that is not always the case. Like you, Tammy, my heart bleeds for these kids, and I just want to hold them and love them and tell them it’s okay. I hope and pray that the mom was just having a bad day! Bless you for caring!

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    1. My thoughts & feelings exactly. I was called the B word amongst other things by my mom & I could never say those things to my children. It made me cautious of my word choice, not only with them but people in general. Thanks dear, I’ve been praying that mom was just having a moment as well.

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  12. Prayer goes a long way, and I think part of watching our mouths is also to be mindful of when we speak up to defend someone and when we hold our tongue in compassion for someone (potentially the mother here) or to guard against instructing in our own pride. Praying for discernment for myself as well as praying for the mother and child is where I have started in such circumstances that I’ve witnessed. It’s tough to see and often tough to know what to do.
    My brother lives in a low income building and he often sees a little girl and her mother. The mother has a lot of stress and ‘issues’ but he also feels for the girl who often gets the brunt of the mom’s distress in verbal abuse. He chooses to reach out to them both with small acts of kindness which encourages them both without admonishing the mother directly. At least for a little while, the mother is able to better control her anger/hurt/stress and the daughter gets some relief too.
    One day he got groceries delivered (during Covid lockdowns) while the pair were in the shared yard, and he had a box of fudgsicles. He asked the mother if he could give one to her daughter and if she’d like one too. The mom accepted, and he saw the little girl gain confidence and happiness in that moment. Sometimes shining a little simple light and hope will stay with a person who is beaten down and remind them that there is more to reach for in this world, and that some people may be kind to them, no matter who they are, how they feel, or what their circumstances. I took a lot from my brother’s story by email about his happiness in that moment, too. For of course, giving the gift encouraged him as well. Everything always seems to come back to loving one another.

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