With Open Arms

Posted by5thgenerationgirlPosted inUncategorizedTags:

My dearest daughter, in 30 years not a day has gone by without you on my mind. Some days are consumed with thoughts of regret, constantly questioning whether or not I made the right decision. Every day I pray that you are well and will eventually come to forgive me. My hope is that through your forgiveness, it will relinquish at the very least some of the pain I caused you if not all when we last saw each other. I’d like you to know that being a mother has always been my most cherished position in life and although I didn’t raise you, you have always been and will always be very much a huge part of me. My heart is filled with just as much love for you as it is for your sister and brother. I love you and will continue to reach out to you regardless of how long it takes. Know that I will not give up on you!

As you may already be aware, I recently communicated with your husband after he contacted me via messenger. To my surprise, especially after all the wonderfully conversations him and I had in the past, this time he was extremely vile. I wasn’t bothered much by his comments because I understood that he was simply trying to support you as he explained you both are in the process of rebuilding your lives after what your adoptive mother did to you. His frustrations may have been justified but certainly not his attempt at verbally abusing me. I will not tolerate disrespect as you are well aware of considering that is partially the reason we’re here now. When he and I used to talk, in a sense for me it was a way of feeling closer to you. I’d always hope that eventually you would hop on the other end of the phone. Apparently, you simply weren’t ready, and I completely understand.

The thing is, it finally occurred to me that it may not have been the best idea in communicating with your husband. What he shared about your feelings and emotions can’t candidly or accurately be expressed through someone else. It would be as if someone writing this for me and only think they know what’s in my heart. The conversation that needs to be had should be between you and me. Even as I write this, I’m having trouble finding the right words with wanting you to know that I AM SORRY! I apologize for everything from the beginning with my decision to let you go as well as our encounter when you came to visit years ago. Once I finally gained the courage to share that I have another daughter, people always asked “why did I put you up for adoption”. Although my reasons and fears were valid during that traumatic time, in my heart and mind; now playing it back, no answer ever seems to be the right one or a justifiable reason for such a major decision. Therefore, I find myself stuck in this constant tug-of-war with my emotions and can only imagine what you must be experiencing. I can’t change the past, but while I’m still here on this earth, I’d love the opportunity to be of support to you, perhaps even one day still be a mother. I’d appreciate the chance to do whatever I can to make things right between us and show you that I love you unconditionally. Whenever you are ready, however long it takes, always know that I will be waiting with open arms.

Love always,

mommy

Published by 5thgenerationgirl

Tammy Wynette is a mother of three and a “G-MA” (grandma). Born in Warren, Arkansas, she currently resides in Sacramento, CA and is pursuing an AA degree in English at American River College, with plans to transfer to California State University, Sacramento (Sac State). She is an active leader and role model in her community, she works with teens sharing and teaching poetry, as well as providing insight for young parents to prosper. She has certificate from NAMI (The National Alliance on Mental Illness) and is a trailblazer & Griot, keeper of stories/traditions passed down from her ancestors. As an Author and motivational speaker it’d be an honor to present at your events to inspire, encourage & let our VOICES be heard! She has short stories and poems published in Our Black Mothers Brave, Bold and Beautiful!

39 thoughts on “With Open Arms”

  2. My friend, I so felt your heart as I read this. Since I’ve never been in your shoes, nor your daughter’s shoes, I cannot fathom the well of emotions taking place within you both. Tales of choices made to give a child up for adoption, or being a child who was given up for adoption, I have only witnessed in cinema, or from a distance.
    Interacting with someone who has experienced giving a child up for adoption just hits different — especially since it is not a script written by an author or script writer.
    I appreciate your honesty and your transparency. I am also praying for you both. In that I lost my mom earlier this year, I’d be so happy just to hear her voice again, kiss her atop her forehead like I used to do, but that is now part of my memory.
    God bless you both, and I am sending up a special prayer for both of you.

    All the best,

    Glenn

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      1. I loved on her very much in life, and there has been sadness, but much acceptance, as she now settles into my heart. That final bend in the circle of life requires us to let go, and continue living with all the love they gave to us. I do have my moments still. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I’ve watched my stepbrother struggle over the years with losing his mom, I think I can understand that “bend” you speak of. I hope you have a support system. I try to be for my brother as this blog is my support.

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Sending you lots of hugs, Tammy. These conversations and relationships are never easy but taking the first steps, no matter how hard and how much resistance you encounter, is important. I hope over time, you and your daughter will find a way to reconnect no matter how hard and hurtful those initial conversations may be. Hang in there. 🙏💕

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  6. You know what, sista gurl? Wait, sure ~ but don’t beat yourself up.

    What we did, we did for what we saw as their good even more than our own, and if even as adults they refuse to understand that then they don’t want us, they want someone to hate and we’re comfortable, nonthreatening and convenient.

    I’m hearing a lot of old unprocessed guilt here ~ and you don’t own it. Jus’ sayin.

    Let her be unhappy and blame you ~ it’s the only successful gift you’ve ever managed to give her, I’ll just bet.

    Now, go feel good. 💖🙋🌹

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    1. I appreciate the sentiments, but this is more about what happened when we reunited then it is about the actual adoption. As a whole, I continue to pray about it, as the 2 children with me suffer from this as well. It’s not just her & I who are affected.
      Enjoy your weekend my dear❣️

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  7. Such deep hurt I know from experience only our Heavenly Father can heal, and I pray for that healing for you and your dear daughter, that He will supplant the ocean of pain with an ocean of forgiveness and love. 🙏

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  8. Pingback: ReBlogging ‘With Open Arms’ – Link Below | Relationship Insights by Yernasia Quorelios

  12. May God restore, bring the missing love, to an open heart!

    Father, through your grace, all things are possible. I pray for restoration, within this family. May your love, be the bride, and the way, to a new perspective! In Jesus’ name, Amen! Blessings to you!

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    1. I recall you mentioning being adopted before & at times I’ll think of you & others I know when I think of her.
      I feel strongly that she will contact me. Regardless of how long it takes, I will embrace her when she’s ready.
      Thanks Kathy❣️

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