Mother’s Day Reflection

During the weeks before; as Mother’s Day was approaching, I couldn’t help but think about all the people I know who unfortunately no longer have their moms. I’m not sure why my thoughts became so overwhelming nor why I, for a moment felt guilty to still have my mother here. Friday before Mother’s Day was great! My daughter and I went shopping to get outfits for our church Tea Party on Saturday, which I had no intentions of attending until the last minute. We ordered lunch and cocktails at a nice restaurant and laughed nearly the entire time. Yes, that laughter I spoke of last week that hurts in the gut and gets you lightheaded but feels amazing at the same time.

Sunday morning, I enjoyed a beautiful uplifting service. I love knowing that I end up feeling much better coming out of church than going in. By the time service was over and because it had already been a busy weekend, I’d planned to spend the remainder of my Sunday by simply resting. However, instead of sleeping, I mostly wept. Some tears were sad while some came from comfort and reassurance. Repeating to myself the lines from the image above which is similar to a portion of what my Pastor shared during service.

Monday morning came and I had to somehow find the strength and motivation to start my day in preparation to begin a new chapter in my life. As I stepped out the door, my heart felt so heavy. All I wanted to do was lay back down but knew I wouldn’t be able to sleep. So, I kept moving, all the while, holding back tears feeling like it was a challenge to put one foot in front of the other. Midway through the day, even though everything was going smoothly, I was unsuccessful in holding back the tears and had to find a secluded area to just sit for a moment. After about 10 minutes, I got up to head to my next destination when I saw the same young girl (now curled up in a ball in a doorway) whom I had noticed about 90 minutes earlier. When first seeing her, I assumed she was waiting for a bus. On the way back, she looked scared, so I stopped to ask if she was ok. Before getting closer to her, I assured her I wasn’t going to hurt her, she replied with a slight smile, ” I know”. That made me feel better about what to do next. Fortunately, the situation wasn’t as bad as I initially thought. The young girl 13 (same age as my G-son), had just had an argument with her mom, wanted to run away and was headed to a particular place but wasn’t sure how to get there.

We sat to the side and talked for a bit. I shared with her about when I ran away at age 14 because of issues with my mom. I asked her if she felt safe with her mother and if not did, she have anyone else she trusted that she could talk to. We contacted one of her teachers and in a nutshell, by the time we parted ways, she was smiling, and I could clearly see that a weight had been lifted. I was uncertain of exactly what to say to her, or even if I should approach her and keep walking. I didn’t think I was in the right mind frame to be in a position to offer any help. In part, the reason I did however, is because of a reminder my Pastor gave during service about it taking a village sometimes when it comes to our children or the children of others weather, we know them or not. I often have moments when I feel like I failed as a mom, but that doesn’t keep me from reaching out to others. Like the image shows above, children at different ages, experiencing different stages of their lives is normal. We all, at every age need help and sometimes it may come from a kind stranger. I pray daily that there are good kind people helping and looking out for my children because even though God is with us, I’m thankful whenever we get that little bit of extra help.

Before heading back home for the day, I stopped at the nearby food co-op to get some lunch still thinking about the young girl, my own children and starting this new chapter in my life. The cashier’s name tag who rang me up, said “Angel”. I smiled and took what felt like my first breath of the day. It wasn’t just her name that brought me comfort, it was recognizing the confirmation that God has been giving me all along in the last few very stressful an emotion weeks. I’ve met three people name “Faith”, a “Grace”, two “Hopes” and then “Angel”. Call me crazy or call it coincidence, but when I’m struggling, emotionally, mentally or physically often all at the same time, I have to seek inspiration and reasons to keep moving especially on the days I worry if I can even take one more step. I choose to view the encounters with these people as His way of letting me know that He is right here with me through my journey every step of the way.