5th Generation Girl

From my mother
To my mother's father
From his mother and father
and their parents, my Great-Greats
Lydia and Derry
During a time when couples stayed married
To Big Mamma
4ft 2, 104lbs, still the strongest woman I've known
Bore 12 to help work the fields
From slavery to pickin' cotton
Boys plowin' da fields, butcherin' hogs
Girls out back wringin' chicken necks for suppa
And milkin' da cows in the pasture

As I stare at their photos on my wall
Of those that i see, came the production of me!
5th Generation Girl
Breaking down barriers, standing tall-
Eighty-six, my grandfather got that name the day
a white man spit on him
"Get on your side of the road, ya damn Nigger!"
From him came Effie who at 19, bore Tammy
Oh, where would I be without my
ancestors who paved the way for me!
Through sweat, pain, tears, tornado's, southern storms

Twelve mouths to feed for at least eighteen years
From segregated schools, protest and hard times
I'll tell you where I wouldn't be....
Because of the doors you've opened
nearly dying and sometimes dying for me!
Without your struggles
I, as a black girl would not have this opportunity
to spread my wings and thrive
Oh glory...God bless your souls!
I thank you and love you dearly!
Because of you 5th generation girl can now and forever fly freely!
My Big Momma Age 100 ( born 1900)

Psychology of the Mask

Unfortunately during the last year, the world has been forced to literally wear a mask as a safety precaution during the pandemic. However when it comes to the history of my ancestors, the concept of wearing a mask meant something much different. Paul Laurence Dunbar is known for being one of the most influential African American literary scholars of his time. His passion for language and music, along with personal life tragedies have been the motivation behind much of his work. With regards to his poem “We Wear the Mask” (revised here by Maya Angelou), the style as well as the content provides a vivid reflection of the hardships people of color endured as well as how they dealt with restrictions that were placed upon them. The basis of the poem is the immense suffering of blacks and the necessity of painting on a happy face as a survival tactic.

Dunbar “challenges the plantation tradition”. These were slave states that heavily focused on the antebellum times, like Mississippi, Louisiana, Alabama and Arkansas. Whenever African Americans began to rebel, others became afraid and would resort to using psychological methods of power (such as seperating a slave woman from her children). There is reason to believe that the wearing of the mask is a sign of both physical and mental strength. The reality is that psychic strength is a key factor in what blacks; especially woman, developed years before to survive slavery.

“We wear the mask that grins and lies”, is a statement that can be depicted as: why not give those who are different what they want for the sake of keeping the peace. When examining the word “mask” some may view it in the sense of a horse that is blinded; wandering aimlessly as did slaves while working on the plantations. However; in refference to the spirit of African American’s, it seems more reasonable that the intent leans more towards being in disguise, hiding their true character. Although it is not advertised, people of all backgrounds only reveal about themselves what they choose and have various reason for doing so.

Another line from the poem; “the debt we pay with human guile” can be perceived as insidious cunning, deceit or treachery. An alternative perspective is that to be cunning, does not necessarily mean that one is being deceitful. Cunning intellect can be a skill for survival, staying mindful that the goal of slave owners was to break the psyches of their slaves. The language in Dunbar’s poem reflects the bestial way of how blacks were seperated from the common run of humanity. “A mouth with myriad subtleties”, an unfamiliar usage of the word “mouth” is how it relates to facial expression while speaking. Without sound much can still be implied by expression alone. The statement also clearly implies a large amount such as military or Greek soldiers, but more specifically the scenario is based on the tens of thousands of slaves or race as a whole. This behavoir became a way of life. To not show any sign of emotion was for the sake of culture and love for family, which ultimately for many became a form of Black Fictive Kinship.

“We sing, but oh the clay is vile!” Music throughtout the generations in black culture has been a key element psychologically in lifting our spirits. During the days of slavery they would sing in faith as a way of providing hope. “Clay” refers to a stiff vicious earth found in other deposits near the surface of the ground at various depths below, forming a tenacious paste. In turn, through the singing people of color were aslo determined to firmly stand their ground, mainly in faith because that was all they had to cling to. One can also argue that to atleast some extent this may have had a psychological impact on slave masters as well. Imagine doing everything in your power to break someones spirit and tear them down, yet with all the odds against them, they still refused to loose hope or give up. The relevance of the “mask” concept is not limited solely to African Americans, especially in this day and age. People from around the globe at some point, have or will experience wearing the mask. Some because they choose to and others may feel as if they are forced to do so. Be it with-in our work enviorments, social meeting places like church or common peers such as family for one reason or another, we all are simply trying to survive and that experience in itself varies for everyone.

Goals, Purpose & Passion

Welcome, and thank you for visiting. My hope is that as you join me on my journey, you become inspired, realizing how powerful your VOICE is. Also to learn as well as take away useful information to help motivate and guide you during your personal journey. Ultimately what I plan to accomplish by starting this blog is first gain exposure of my name as an author and poet by establishing my brand, eventually leading to an opportunity for a book contract. Secondly, to raise awareness by sharing personal, intimate stories of life’s obstacles and challenges I’ve overcome. I would also love to become a success by earning income as a blogger.

I remember back in my day the elders were stern about children staying in their place and not necessarily having a say regarding any matters, not even what was for dinner. You simply ate what you were fed! However, for me it was different. I depended on input from my children and now grandchildren, especially living in the era of technology, which I’ve basically been forced to utilize, not only due to the pandemic, but simply to keep up with the pace of the world in accomplishing various tasks. Because of the abuse I endured as a child, it lead me to not be very trusting of others. It is my children who taught me a different perspective when it comes to my faith with socializing in certain scenarios and how I react to disappointment and/or fear. For the greater part of my life until I was about fourty years old, I’d always felt that God was punishing me, not realizing that everyone has similar experiences in life and in fact, I wasn’t alone. It is for that reason and during that time that I finally found my own VOICE. This is also why I’m extremely passionate about this work. Developing epilepsy in 2012 (cause still unknown) then recieving a mental health diagnosis a few years later inspired me to encourage others to share their stories and let them know that they are not alone.

I’ve been able to trace my ancestors back 5 generations. 5thGenerationgirl, one of my published works was a way of honoring my ancestors after learning their history from a time when families (especially from the deep south) stayed quiet keeping their secrets with the idea of it being a means for survival as well as an attempt in sparing their children from stigma and fear. This behavoir reminds me of a famous poem by Paul Laurence Dunbar ” We Wear the Mask” (which we’ll visit more in the near future). It helps to heal when we can open by telling our truths while at the same time not feeling vulnerable. I’m excited about the possibility of creating a bond, no longer feeling alone and at the very least, learning that someone else truly understands.

My background ranges from a short time in the medical field as a medical assistant (urology & family medicine) and phlebtomist. An instructor in art and science, supervisory positions for major companies, small business owner, lumbermill work and even farming. Some of my lows include protective custody as a witness to a murder investigation, putting a child up for adoption, four years of homelessness as a well two felony convictions over a twenty year spand. Although I never realized it during those times, God was and has been with me the entire way. I’ve learned many valuable lessons now looking back. The “light bulb” finally clicked with the lessons my ancestors were trying to teach me. I have no regrets because my experiences, good and bad have led me to discover my purpose in life which is to write, speak and share with hopes of encouraging others to find their way.

NOTE: The concept of “Sankofa” is a term from Ghana, loosly meaning “go back and get it” also the symbolism for the icon next to the logo on my home page. A bird w/ it’s head facing backwards, but feet forward. This concept is in part what’s promoted my growth by going back to my roots, learning from ancestors and history in general and using that information to continue pushing forward in life.